Unity

This post is a text message reply to my best friend regarding a discussion we had previously had that day about time, numbers and beliefs. Wish I had all of our old text messages.. Anyone know someone in our gov that can help me get copies of all our old conversations? Hahaha (but seriously if you can)..


Words get in my way so much sometimes. But I gotta try. I kept re-reading my last text and had to rewrite it to clarify.

Time - it is all we've really got. Tonight I discovered that time is unity. In math, unity equals 1. The weird part is that without unity, there is no time. All you have then is 0. The genius who figured out how to make a computer understood the foundation of everything rests on 1. Where there is nothing, you have nothing, and 0 represents this. It is the circle of space that surrounds every something, so even within that 0, 1 it is accounted for. That means unity is all we really have; it ALL boils down to 1.

Like you said earlier, 9 represents both, as it is a 0 bound to a 1. It represents the reality that something cant exist without nothing, and nothing can exist without something. That probably makes little sense, if any at all, to most, but it makes complete sense to me!! It explains why there is binary embedded in the equations of the universe as much as why I haven't learned the lesson of happiness that Ive have been stuck on for years now. I have been waiting my whole life for people, things, and opportunities, instead of living it. This is very bad, because time is what life is made of, and to waste it is to waste the most preciuos gift we will ever be given. But NOW is the time for that to change. Now is all we really ever have, but we have to be present in the now to fully live in it.

What really blew my mind tonight is that I realized what you said is absolutely true: there are no numbers. There are no letters. 1 plus 1 does not equal 2. It only does because we made it do so. We only have such things to bring the unfathomableness of the universe down to a human scale. But in the absence of such a scale, the only absolute truth is love. Think about this: the limit of x as x approaches infinity is 1. That, my friend, is the most basic derivative in calculus, and it is the fundamental concept on which calculus is built. Likewise, the limit of ANY number not bound to x is 0.

While proving both of the above equations would take no less than a page of algebraic manipulations, the answer is that simple. But what does it mean? I think it simply means that when all the blanks are filled in and everything in existence is accounted for, all you have in the end is 1. All the numbers we have invented to describe the universe will never amount to anything, because at infinity, they are bound to nothing. Look it up for yourself: the derivative of x always equals 1, and the derivative of a constant (which numbers, including 1 are defined as) always equals 0. Let that sink in for a while.. While you do, ponder what x is, and why it always is equal to unity. X marks the spot...

Happiness is our purpose, but the real question is: how do you find happiness? What exactly IS happiness? A feeling? A state of being? A state of wanting? Given that feelings and wants can decieve us, my guess is that those two can be eliminated. If all paths lead to the truth, your answer will probably be different from mine, but as long as it is rooted in truth, you will find it. If it is rooted in a lie, then pursuing it will lead you to heartache, despair, guilt, anxiety, shame, fear and pain. Or worse..

Love can only be pure when it is a choice, because love that is not rooted in a conscious choice is not love at all. It is lust, which is rooted in our primal instincts. Acting out of primal instincts means that your body is controlling you and not vice-versa. We have free will, which is a choice that only we can choose for ourselves. It is, in fact, the most important choice we will ever choose for ourselves. It is with this choice that we gain consciousness, and only in consciousness can our love become pure. Conversely, we return to a primal state when we stop making it a choice, and in turn, our primal state will lead us to everywhere but where we want to be. We then start to chase the things we think we want, til we get them and realize they arent what we thought they would be. But then again, when your body controls your mind, few things are what you think and believe them to be..
 Mainly because you dont think, just act. Beliefs then serve only to justify those actions. The more you are having to justify, the further from truth you will find yourself.

Whenever you find yourself in darkness, remember that we are never truly alone; love connects us all through space and time, against ALL odds. It is what allows us to beat the odds. It is what makes life possible. Love IS God, because God IS love, and to let love into your life, you dont need to do anything more than to be open to it. And the only way to be open to it is make it a choice. The moment you reject love and close yourself off from it - that IS hell. Hell is where there is no love, genuine love that is, and you dont have to be dead to experience it..

Dream

Right before I closed my eyes, as I was laying in bed letting my mind drift into a quiet, calm, peaceful place, I saw this light at the end of the hallway through my half-open bedroom door. It was hard not to notice it, as there were no lights turned on upstairs, and the kids were gone and couldn't have undone that. It was a tiny, faint glow at first, but as it started coming towards me (to my horror), it grew larger and brighter.

It moved very slowly, and in a very steady manner, but it was without question getting bigger and brighter. Given the hallway was more or less pitch black, and there was no visible light source, this had me REALLY creeped out!! By the time the light reached my room, it was as powerful as a spotlight.

From the moment I noticed it, I froze and was too scared to move. But I could feel the fear melt way as it grew closer, and by the time it reached me and was SO bright that I was completely engulfed in light, all of my pain, sadness, grief, fear - ALL of it was gone. Completely GONE! All I could focus on was the light. No words, no thoughts, no anything - nothing. Just light. I can't explain it any other way.

I don't really remember falling asleep; I just remember waking up. I looked around until my eyes landed on my clock: 8:10 AM. I laid back down, closed my eyes, and then it all came flooding into my mind: the light, the calm and the weird dreams I woke up out of.

It was like a living kaleidoscope in my dream, where life was moving, twisting, contorting and dissolving into new shapes, colors and beings constantly. It's like I was watching life unfold at the speed of light! Almost like I had become light.. I had become the very center of the place from which it springs forth. Then I watched as pure light and all of it's many variations, from photon-like packets of wave energy to actual waves of energy, sprang forth from this singularity within me.

In this place, I could see the damage that had been done to the opening of my soul's inner light. Many things had tried to build a wall around my inner light's source, and the resulting blockage was what left me fighting in the dark and cold of the world, seemingly alone with few to none that I could trust. I couldn't let love in for want of a way to protect myself from it, and the result of this mindset was an ever-taller wall with an ever-increasing thickness around my inner light, making it harder and harder for me to access it. I knew what I had to do, and knew the only way to do it was to DO it.

I began to take the wall apart. I found a loose stone and pried it loose, then used it to carve away at the wall until, one by one, it had been nearly dismantled. I was down to my last stone when I felt how free I felt, how much easier it was to see as the light got brighter and brighter, and how much warmer it was without the wall blocking the heat from the abundant energy light source within.

I sat on the last stone, and smiled. It felt like heaven to have the light gently warm up my soul; the more that I smiled, the more that the light flooded out and poured from the singularity. I realized that my smile not only created more light, but almost seemed to be absorbing the light and becoming one with it. Like an oscillating electrical and magnetic field where electricity has been fully absorbed into a magnetic field as it moves through space and time to create electromagnetic radiation - I had become light. :)

As I looked at the dismantled rubble around me, I noticed that many of the stones had been put there by others, but I cemented them into my wall nonetheless. So much rubble lay beside me, yet I realized I had only two choices: to protect the ruins from being disturbed or use them to build a solid foundation on which I could rebuild my life.

I cleared the ground, started laying one stone after another to form several tightly interlocking rows, and proceeded to build a solid foundation from the very stones that once imprisoned my soul in darkness. After I finished, I sat and observed the beauty of the light that kept spilling out of the singularity just beyond where I sat in the seat of my consciousness. It was all I needed to be content. I didn't need shelter - there is no rain inside. Only light or darkness, and there is no shelter against darkness other than light. I didn't need food, since my fuel consisted of the light source within. I only needed to keep smiling genuinely and letting love flowing through me to keep the light spilling out of the singularity within.

As I zoomed out of my inner space to the outer world, I noticed the world in an entirely new way. I no longer saw good or bad, right or wrong, better or worse. I just saw love, in it's full technicolor beauty and surround-sound magnificence. I realized it is trying to find it's way in to each and every one of our lives, hearts and minds, but until we unclog the blockages in us that block out our inner light, we will keep living in the darkness that living in the shadows of those walls creates and never feel love's warmth. We'll keep adding stones to the walls around our hearts for fear of those shadows, and the cycle will continue until our life is completely shroud in darkness and our soul slowly dies from a lack of access to what fuels it - love. 

Answering My Own Question

I began this blog with a simple question: what does it mean to be a human being?

I've had a while to think about this, and I hate to admit it, but I am hardly closer to an answer. If anything, I feel farther away from one. What a year it has been..

If I had a time machine, and I could only choose one day to go back to, I think I know the day I would pick. It was a September afternoon of the year 2000, and my best friend B was in Atlanta at the airport. I never came to get him that day, and I am pretty sure that if I had, our history would have much different. Not necessarily better, but definitely different.

You see, he had helped me and my young son move away so I could return to school just a few weeks earlier. But when he came down, his cousin came along too, and I couldn't afford to help them both stay with me. I was barely able to feed myself, let alone my small child, and I certainly couldn't keep up two grown men. B understood that, and so without me even having to ask, he and his cousin were gone. But I knew there was more to our connection than just friendship. I knew why he came back, and I knew what his presence meant, but it terrified me, and in the end, I never came. Eventually, he got his ticket switched and flew home. Several months would pass before we would talk again, and from that point on, anything more than a friendship was not an option.

Who knows what would've happened if I had picked him up. We both had a lot of unresolved drama in our lives that manifested like late summer storm clouds - sudden, violent unexpected bursts that shattered our being to the core - which could've easily spilled over into our relationship and damaged it. Plus, as young as we both were, there is no doubt that we would've made many mistakes. Without the patience or understanding to persevere through the more difficult battles, it would've been hard to grow as close as we eventually did. We'll never know, because it never happened.

You see, ours turned out to be a pure love - pure in the sense that we had no reason to lie to eachother, so we never did. I could always count on him to give me his honest opinion on a matter, and he could count on me to do the same. He would take time to understand the situation from every angle before reaching an opinion. I never really understood the significance of that until recently, but his doing so taught me that understanding is a key to perspective. If you don't fully understand a situation, you can't deal with it properly.

This brings me to the point of answering my own question.. I asked what it means to be human, and I realize that I haven't fully understood the situation that is the current state of humanity, so I was unable to answer the question. Now, however, I realize that there is a bigger question we should be asking ourselves, given the current state of affairs.. What happens when we stop being human?