Dream

Right before I closed my eyes, as I was laying in bed letting my mind drift into a quiet, calm, peaceful place, I saw this light at the end of the hallway through my half-open bedroom door. It was hard not to notice it, as there were no lights turned on upstairs, and the kids were gone and couldn't have undone that. It was a tiny, faint glow at first, but as it started coming towards me (to my horror), it grew larger and brighter.

It moved very slowly, and in a very steady manner, but it was without question getting bigger and brighter. Given the hallway was more or less pitch black, and there was no visible light source, this had me REALLY creeped out!! By the time the light reached my room, it was as powerful as a spotlight.

From the moment I noticed it, I froze and was too scared to move. But I could feel the fear melt way as it grew closer, and by the time it reached me and was SO bright that I was completely engulfed in light, all of my pain, sadness, grief, fear - ALL of it was gone. Completely GONE! All I could focus on was the light. No words, no thoughts, no anything - nothing. Just light. I can't explain it any other way.

I don't really remember falling asleep; I just remember waking up. I looked around until my eyes landed on my clock: 8:10 AM. I laid back down, closed my eyes, and then it all came flooding into my mind: the light, the calm and the weird dreams I woke up out of.

It was like a living kaleidoscope in my dream, where life was moving, twisting, contorting and dissolving into new shapes, colors and beings constantly. It's like I was watching life unfold at the speed of light! Almost like I had become light.. I had become the very center of the place from which it springs forth. Then I watched as pure light and all of it's many variations, from photon-like packets of wave energy to actual waves of energy, sprang forth from this singularity within me.

In this place, I could see the damage that had been done to the opening of my soul's inner light. Many things had tried to build a wall around my inner light's source, and the resulting blockage was what left me fighting in the dark and cold of the world, seemingly alone with few to none that I could trust. I couldn't let love in for want of a way to protect myself from it, and the result of this mindset was an ever-taller wall with an ever-increasing thickness around my inner light, making it harder and harder for me to access it. I knew what I had to do, and knew the only way to do it was to DO it.

I began to take the wall apart. I found a loose stone and pried it loose, then used it to carve away at the wall until, one by one, it had been nearly dismantled. I was down to my last stone when I felt how free I felt, how much easier it was to see as the light got brighter and brighter, and how much warmer it was without the wall blocking the heat from the abundant energy light source within.

I sat on the last stone, and smiled. It felt like heaven to have the light gently warm up my soul; the more that I smiled, the more that the light flooded out and poured from the singularity. I realized that my smile not only created more light, but almost seemed to be absorbing the light and becoming one with it. Like an oscillating electrical and magnetic field where electricity has been fully absorbed into a magnetic field as it moves through space and time to create electromagnetic radiation - I had become light. :)

As I looked at the dismantled rubble around me, I noticed that many of the stones had been put there by others, but I cemented them into my wall nonetheless. So much rubble lay beside me, yet I realized I had only two choices: to protect the ruins from being disturbed or use them to build a solid foundation on which I could rebuild my life.

I cleared the ground, started laying one stone after another to form several tightly interlocking rows, and proceeded to build a solid foundation from the very stones that once imprisoned my soul in darkness. After I finished, I sat and observed the beauty of the light that kept spilling out of the singularity just beyond where I sat in the seat of my consciousness. It was all I needed to be content. I didn't need shelter - there is no rain inside. Only light or darkness, and there is no shelter against darkness other than light. I didn't need food, since my fuel consisted of the light source within. I only needed to keep smiling genuinely and letting love flowing through me to keep the light spilling out of the singularity within.

As I zoomed out of my inner space to the outer world, I noticed the world in an entirely new way. I no longer saw good or bad, right or wrong, better or worse. I just saw love, in it's full technicolor beauty and surround-sound magnificence. I realized it is trying to find it's way in to each and every one of our lives, hearts and minds, but until we unclog the blockages in us that block out our inner light, we will keep living in the darkness that living in the shadows of those walls creates and never feel love's warmth. We'll keep adding stones to the walls around our hearts for fear of those shadows, and the cycle will continue until our life is completely shroud in darkness and our soul slowly dies from a lack of access to what fuels it - love.